Quick to Judge

Got a lot of things on my mind so I figured I'd blog about it to get it off my chest...

I don’t feel like I have to prove myself to anybody BUT myself. I don’t have to answer to anyone but GOD. I would never admit to certain people that I have insecurities because they’re the type of people who like to kick you when you’re down. There’s times when I say I can’t wait to make it so I can look back at the people who refused to help me in my time of need and just laugh. But I know God won’t give me the blessings I desire if I do it for all the wrong reasons and out of spite.
I’m tired of being judged about my relationship. I feel like in the beginning of our relationship, I’ve allowed people who didn’t know anything about him put thoughts in my mind about him to the point where it tainted our relationship. Granted, he’s not perfect…by any means. But I constantly doubted him and never really gave him the chance to prove otherwise. It’s rocky still and I’m afraid that it will never get better. I think we missed our chance.
I’m learning how to be independent and it’s scary. I love my parents for everything they have done. But the one thing they forgot to do was teach me how to take every thing they’ve taught me and go out into to world and apply all those things. I’m afraid of failure and rejection. I’m afraid to take chances, because I’m so use to the safe life. Moving to Atlanta, I’ve learned the hard way that nobody owes me anything and if I want it FOR MYSELF I gotta get it BY MYSELF! People I called my “friends” are not really my friends, even some people who I called family are nowhere near the bond that a real family shares.
I’m finally understanding that life is a constant thing, always going on whether I’m ready or not. I’m out to satisfy myself. I don’t need anybody’s opinion…especially from those who only care to ask how I’m doing so they will have a piece of gossip to share. I have to remember to keep God first because when I don’t, I feel so incomplete. I’m ready to quit living with a childish mind and start acting like the adult that I am. Tired of wasting time.
I’m officially starting over with a new mindset. I can’t make any guarantees about who I will keep in my life. Just know I will eventually get rid of all the bad roots (even the ones that are hard to see) so that my tree of life will begin to flourish and grow to be healthy and strong!